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Post by gaynor on Jun 1, 2022 11:01:11 GMT
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.
Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis." she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven" Peter told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
"Well, once I held a man's penis." she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven." he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.
Peter asked her: "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said: "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
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Post by sabola on Jun 1, 2022 14:56:14 GMT
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Post by scamp on Jun 1, 2022 15:02:34 GMT
Knock knock. Who's there? Little girl. Little girl who? {Click here to show/hide}Little girl who can't reach the doorbell. |
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Post by seirian on Jun 1, 2022 19:00:57 GMT
What do you call a dumb bunny? {Click here to show/hide}A hare brain. |
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Post by shannon on Jun 1, 2022 19:05:22 GMT
Why don't mothers wear watches? {Click here to show/hide}There's a clock on the stove. |
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Post by virgil on Jun 1, 2022 19:11:33 GMT
This simpleton walks into a pet shop and asks: "I like to buy a wasp please?"
The shopkeeper said: "Sorry, we don't sell wasps".
This simpleton said: "Oh yes you do, you've got two in your window".
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Post by badboy on Jun 2, 2022 9:15:19 GMT
B.I.T.C.H. Beautiful Individual That Causes Hardons.
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Post by rubens on Jun 2, 2022 9:20:00 GMT
Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town. As they left the nightclub, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to. "Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying. Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will, what`s wrong?" Will sobbed "My head won`t fit between the railings!" ![[grin]](//storage.proboards.com/6603230/images/HyzmUyllHzfWGdKO0QFw.gif) |
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Post by rebelgirl on Jun 2, 2022 14:54:35 GMT
What did the bowling pins do? {Click here to show/hide}They went on strike. |
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Post by saiorse on Jun 2, 2022 15:01:27 GMT
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? {Click here to show/hide}By becoming a ventriloquist! |
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Post by heeled on Jun 4, 2022 8:44:07 GMT
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife,
You must realise that you are 54-years-old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as my wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old female sex teaching assistant.
I`ll be home before midnight.
Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54-years-old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my 18-year-old toyboy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, my love... don`t wait up.
Your Wife
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Post by rapscallion on Jun 4, 2022 11:32:37 GMT
How do you make a billiards table laugh? {Click here to show/hide}Put your hands down its pockets and tickle its balls. |
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Post by powell on Jun 4, 2022 17:00:56 GMT
Two priests meet together on Saturday morning. Father Patrick tells Father Finn (from a neighbouring parish) his bicycle had been stolen. Father Finn says and asks: "Good heavens, have you reported this to the Police?" Father Patrick says: "Oh, gracious no, I don't have any witnesses". Father Finn suggests: "Recite the 10 commandments to your Sunday congregation. The one who blushes red when you quote the eighth commandment: 'You shall not steal' shall reveal the guilty culprit". They meet each other again on Monday morning. Father Finn asks: "Well, did my idea work?" Father Patrick tells him: "I only got to reciting commandment seven 'You shall not commit adultery', I suddenly remembered where I left my bike". ![[rofl]](//storage.proboards.com/6603230/images/bmJwTjaNDoVsibWhbfvc.gif) |
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Post by malumgirl on Jun 5, 2022 10:55:40 GMT
When asked if I believed in safe sex?
Of course I do, I have an iron railing around my bed.
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Post by herne on Jun 5, 2022 11:19:17 GMT
A man wants to become a bell-ringer, but has no arms.
He tells the priest about his wish, but the priest says: "How can you be our bell-ringer without arms?"
He replied: "Arms? Who needs them?"
So, this armless chap runs to the top of the bell tower, starts ringing the bell with his face and making outstanding chimes. Unfortunately, he misses the last note and falls from the bell tower.
Parishioners gather around him, asking: "Who is this chap?"
The priest says: "I have no idea but his face rings a bell."
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![[grin]](http://storage.proboards.com/6603230/images/HyzmUyllHzfWGdKO0QFw.gif)
![[rofl]](http://storage.proboards.com/6603230/images/bmJwTjaNDoVsibWhbfvc.gif)
